Translation from Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex

In the seventh installation of the Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer, the made-up fairy language is Gnommish (as it is in the previous installations as well), and it is written on the bottom of every page, holding a secret message in the alphabetical characters. And like I said in my last post, this code is quite easy to crack, as it is basically no more than a replacement of our own alphabet. The grammar and spelling of words are the same. Which is why it was not hard for me to memorize the series of characters used in the Gnommish alphabet, thus making it super-duper easy for me to translate the code in the books, more specifically this latest one. So, without further ado, here is the translation:

Note: In the Gnommish code, a dot is used as a space, and an arrow is used as a period. However, other than that there is no punctuation. Which is why I have added the punctuation in myself, as I see fit. And just so you know what the Gnommish alphabet looks like, here's a chart I got from The Artemis Fowl Files:

Also, when I use parentheses during the translation, it means that I'm adding a note myself, and it is not part of the actual translation.

"From the V-diary (video diary) of Artemis Fowl II, commentary by Dr. J. Argon, LEP (Lower Elements Police) consultant and grand probemeister (not exactly sure what that means, but that's how it's spelled in the book) of the psych brotherhood.
Artemis Fowl appears on screen. He is disheveled and toys incessantly with a small coin. Both the untidiness and the fidgeting are most unusual. Artemis Fowl is known for his attention to detail, especially where his own grooming and presentation are concerned. His voice too is cause for worry. Stress readings are in the nineties, and his lower ranges are skewed a full third of an octave below the norm, based on comparisons with interview-room recordings.
Artemis holds the coin between his thumb and forefinger, and we see that there is a circular hole in the center. The coin obviously holds great significance for the boy. He slams it onto the desk, then picks it up again and spins it - unable, it would seem, to let it be. Early signs of compulsion. Worrying...
He speaks.
Artemis: 'People called me a boy genius. A wunderkind. Perhaps I was a prodigy. But I will be fifteen soon, and too old for that label. So what am I then? A teenage criminal mastermind, perhaps. Or just a common thief. Who can a thief trust? There were a few I thought. But could I have been wrong? Is that possible?' Artemis taps the coin against the surface of the desk precisely twenty times before speaking again. Perhaps there is no significance to the number twenty. Artemis Fowl frowns and rubs the deep line between his brows.
Artemis: 'I thought I knew everything. Now I think I know too much. This new knowledge: These compulsions are taking me over. Soon they will drive my very speech patterns.' He taps the coin on the desk. Twenty taps again. He seems not to want to do it, but is compelled. Oh dear. It is just as Captain Short said. I am worried now, very worried...
Note: Check legality of using Insulin Shock Therapy or possibly Psychosurgery on humans."

(Note that every-other sentence, Artemis counts his words in fives. Such sentences include: "Perhaps I was a prodigy", "So what am I then?", "A teenage criminal mastermind, perhaps", "Or just a common thief", "Who can a thief trust?" and "I thought I knew everything". This observation may seem insignificant to most people, however, I know that Artemis' compulsive behavior includes counting things -including his sentences- in fives, and any number that can be derived from five, such as ten, fifteen, twenty, and so-on and so-forth, thus making this small observation completely relevant to Dr. J. Argon's analysis of Artemis, and of course anyone reading this.)

It ends there, on page 91, and continues to repeat itself four times starting over on pages 92, 181, and 270, finally ending on the last page (page 357) with a cut-off "psyc-" at the end, making it 19 characters (including spaces and periods) missing from the last message-repeat. And don't hold it against me for being that specific. I am a very thorough person, and determined as well. So I didn't want to leave anything out, not even the amount of times it repeated and on what pages the repeats started on. So there. No judgment allowed, thank you.

Blog ya later, Miss Eccentric.
P.S. Haha, my sign-off has five words in it=D

Artemis Fowl: I AM FINISHED!!!

Alright, so my last post was a bit on the crazy-stalker-fan side of things, but I was super excited and I have every right to be, because the book really was that cool.
Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (the seventh in the series) arrived on the fourth, and I finished reading it yesterday. Which is a good omen (you would know what I'm talking about if you read it). Eoin Colfer really did knock himself out writing this one, and I simply did not want to put it down until I finished it. But I forced myself to slow down, pace myself, that way I didn't finish it in like, two days instead of five. 'Cause then I'd be disappointed that it was over already. But five days was as slow as I could go. And like I said, if you were to read the book, you would know that finishing it in five days was a perfect tribute to the story. Anyway, I immensely enjoyed this book, and I might even go as far as to say that it was the funniest in the series yet. You see, one of the main plot lines in the story is that Artemis has contracted a mental illness the fairies call Atlantis Complex, which usually only guilt-ridden fairies contract. But since Artemis has meddled in fairy magic so much, and he lived a life of crime for many of his younger years, he was vulnerable to the illness. This Complex is described to be sort of like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), with a little paranoia mixed in. And in extreme cases, the patient may develop Multiple Personality Disorder.
In Master Fowl's case, he gets all the symptoms. At first it's just an obsession with straightening things, and counting (it's always fives, because five is a nice round number whereas four is the bad number because it means death. Literally for the Chinese community, since four sounds a lot like there word for death), and of course the paranoia, but then when he is electrocuted (I won't give away exactly how), his alter-ego, Orion, emerges. And Orion is nothing like Artemis. He may have all of his memories, but he is a completely different person: He is dumbed-down, innocent, fanciful, and loves to profess his love for a certain feisty LEPrecon Captain by the name of Holly Short. He drives his former friend Holly and Foaly crazy themselves with his delirious rants, and the fact that he calls them, "my fair maiden" and "goodly beast".
Now, while Artemis and friends are battling inner demons and a rogue space probe of Foaly's own design, a former enemy of Holly's, and her deceased Commander's (Julius Root) is planning a break from prison and a ghastly plan to kidnap yet another friend of young Master Fowl's to use for his own gain. From start to end, Artemis and friends must endure things like giant squids trying to crack Arty like a nut (and him exclaiming loudly, "I'm the nut! I'm the nut!"), explosive gas bubbles from a certain dwarf who now calls himself Tombstone, zombie wrestling fans who are under a bad fairy's mesmer, a dark-magic Rune called a Thrall, random spouts of number poetry from Artemis Fowl himself, and of course psychotic ramblings of an alter-ego named Orion. Really, this book truly made me laugh out loud the whole time, even to the very last page. And Mr. Colfer left the end on a great cliffhanger, so I am hoping and praying that this is not the end of the story for Artemis Fowl II. Honestly, he left it more open than a dwarf's cavernous mouth readying himself to tunnel. And in the end of this small evaluation of the story, I really only have five words left to say about the book: Bloody hilarious and ridiculously awesome.

On a related note, all previous Artemis Fowl books have a Gnommish code encrypted at the bottom of every page, and of course the new book has it too. The code is quite a simple one (it's just a series of symbols used to replace our own alphabet, nothing special), easy to learn and understand, and I happen to be fluent in both reading and writing it. Thus, I shall be translating the message in the book at my leisure, and will be posting it here when I'm done. I might take my time with it, as I have some writing to catch up on, but who knows, I also might just finish it in one day and be posting it tomorrow. Who knows. It depends on if I feel like straining my eyes to see it and writing it down at the same time. And yeah, I know this makes me sound like a total super-nerd, but at his point in life, I don't really care. I love the Artemis Fowl series, and if that makes me a nerd, fine. Bring on the pocket protectors.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE! COUNT TO FIVE, STAY ALIVE!!!

-Miss Eccentric.
P.S. I was totally kidding about the pocket protectors. I'm not that much of a nerd.