Toyota: ha ha!!!

(To Aunt and Uncle in big damn bus of a home: don't worry, I'm not downing your golden turd, they haven't had problems with that as far as I know)
Okay, so I don't know if you've seen the news lately, but Toyota is having some big troubles. They have had to recall several of their car models. The list of cars is as follows:
2009-2010 RAV4
2009-2010 Corolla
2009-2010 Matrix
2005-2010 Avalon
2007-2010 Camry
2010 Highlander
2008-2010 Sequoia
2007-2010 Tundra
2009-2010 Pontiac Vibe
(For more information on the recalls, click here)
Quite a few, yes? Supposedly the problems are everything from brake failure, headlight failure, and I even heard that sometimes they excellerate by themselves, and one lady (at least) crashed into a tree because she couldn't stop her car. I've even heard that the Sequoia actually catches on fire while driving down the street. I know, right? That's a lot of problems, and a lot of cars with said problems. And get this, in the article I left a link for, it said that the people of Toyota's advice for the owners of those cars is (quote):
"If you need to stop immediately, the vehicle can be controlled by stepping on the brake pedal with both feet using firm and steady pressure. Do not pump the brake pedal as it will deplete the vacuum utilized for the power brake assist. Shift the transmission gear selector to the Neutral (N) position and use the brakes to make a controlled stop at the side of the road and turn off the engine. If unable to put the vehicle in Neutral, turn the engine OFF. This will not cause loss of steering or braking control, but the power assist to these systems will be lost."
Seriously? Push real hard on the brake. Wow, that's good advice!
(sarcasm)
Turn off engine. Wow, more great advice!
(do I need to say it? Yep, more sarcasm)
I mean, really. How dumb do they think we are? If you're car was going out of control, what would you do? I would automatically think to first try the brakes, and if that didn't work, I would then turn it off. Duh.
Anyway, according to the news I watched last night, they say that the Prius could be next to be recalled. Ha! I knew it!
You know, they say that the Prius is so "environmentally safe", because it's a hybrid, but did you know that the batteries they use in those "hybrids" has mercury in them? And did you also know that mercury is extremely poisonous? The symptoms of mercury poisoning can include:
Impairment of peripheral vision;
Disturbances in sensations - that 'pins and needles' feeling as well as numbness - usually in the hands feet and sometimes around the mouth;
Lack of coordination of movements, such as writing;
Impairment of speech, hearing, walking;
Muscle weakness;
Skin rashes;
Mood swing, memory loss, and mental disturbances.
Yeah, it's serious. Very serious, and they put that crap in our "environmentally safe" cars. And you can get mercury poisoning from something as simple as a thermometer breaking, so what would happen if you got in an accident, and the battery that has mercury in it breaks, releasing the deadly poison into the air? And what happens to these batteries when they get thrown in a landfill? They just sit there, becoming more and more dangerous as they erode and leak, contaminating the whole area around them. And they expect us to think that those cars are safe...
Which is why I would be very pleased indeed if those death-mobiles would be recalled, never to be manufactured nor sold again. Anyway, I think I've gripped enough, so...I'll sign off now.
Blog ya later, Miss Eccentric.

Life in the fast lane: dork-fish

I have seen the light, and my blog-funk has lifted!!!

And no, the word "dork" has nothing to do with a whale's penis. I looked it up. The point here is, I'm a total dork-fish. Seriously, all I do is bang myself up all day, just by walking through the house. And I'm not being dramatic here. All I do is stub my toes, or wipe my shoulder out on a doorway, or trip over a cat (baby-gate, shoes, sweatshirt, box, stool, stairs, bed, rug, curb, grass, more stairs, my own two feet, you name it, I trip over it), or (my families personal favorite) slam my shoulder into a door because I tried to go through it too fast and I didn't get it open before my body decided to go through the door anyway. My Mom likes to say that I look like Garfield when I do that...You know, like when he's chasing after Jon's car and it stops, and he slams into the back window? Yeah, that's me...
Anyways, this last little dork-stunt I have pulled is hitting my knee really hard against a wall. How did I hit my knee against a wall, you ask? If only I knew...Well, I do know that I was getting up to get something and I was kind of running and I somehow hit my knee while rushing past the doorway. Don't ask me how, the only thing I can come up with is that my knee had a mind of it's own, and it was like, "You know what? I think I'm going to jump out at that doorway and surprise it! Ouch! Okay, that didn't work how I thought it would..."
Now, one thing you should know about me is that I'm pretty fast paced all through the day (well, except in the early mornings, 'cause I'm not a morning person). I pretty much run everywhere I go, which is why I smack into things all day, evidently. The funny thing is, when I was little, I was the careful one: while my brother hit his head against things just to make me laugh, I never ever got hurt. This changed sometime between being thrown up in the air in cheer, and doing back-hand-springs in gymnastics. All the sudden I can't stop getting hurt. I'm lucky enough that it's mostly just lots of cuts and bruises, however.
Another thing you should know about me, is that I bruise really easily. I do not know why when I hit my elbow against the counter or something that there is magically a bruise there that shouldn't really be there because I didn't hit it that hard, but it's true. And this bruise on my knee is looking all purple and blue and stuff. It's all, "Hiya! I'm a bruise! Oh yeah, did I forget to introduce my friend Goose-egg here? How rude of me."
How did I get this way? I don't remember being so clumsy in cheer. In fact, I hardly ever fell, and if I did, it was one of my spotter's fault (if one of you are seriously reading this, which I doubt because you haven't seen or heard from me in like, six years, no offense, but I was good at flying). And I definitely wasn't falling all over myself in gymnastics, because if I had I would have broken something for sure. Maybe it's 'cause I'm getting older? Gee, I never thought being eighteen would make me old...Maybe it's just 'cause I'm getting more impatient as the years pass, and my brain is just so scattered (most likely filled with thoughts of writing, whether in my blog or my novel) and I can't seem to pay attention to everything around me? That sounds more like it. Either way, I seem to live life in the fast lane, and I can't keep the dork-fish side of me out of sight when in said fast lane.
Blog ya later, Miss Eccentric.
P.S. Happy Groundhog day! Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, so here's hoping this actually works and we get more winter!!!

_ (Blank)

Ugh...I have no idea what to blog about...You know, I haven't ever really had this problem. I always find something to blog about at the last minute, but this time, I really don't have anything. What's the matter with me? I don't understand, it's been like, five days since I last blogged, and for some reason I still can not think of anything to blog about. Maybe it's a conspiracy? Okay, yeah, I know. I've said that a lot, "maybe it's a conspiracy?" But you've got to admit, it is kind of strange that of all people I can't think of anything to blog about. I have been blogging every four to five days or less since July last year, not to mention that I have two blogs that I write in, yet for some reason today of all days I can not think enough to actually come up with something to put in this damn blog. So, what if it is a conspiracy? What if they're trying to keep me from blogging because some of my blogs have been controversial, and they don't want word getting out that there are a lot of conspiracies going on? What if they're going to come and break my computer so I can't tell the world about all their secrets and whatnot? And who are "they", you ask? If I told you, they would have to kill me. And you. And anyone you tell. So why am I telling you about these conspiracies? Because otherwise no one will ever know.
So anyway, sorry, today for some reason I'm just not feeling very funny. I mean, I did the whole "paranoid" skit just now (but it's true, even this is probably a conspiracy! They took my humor!), but I'm just not feeling it. I'm just super tired and I can't stop thinking about my self-set deadline for tomorrow (I have to post my short story on my other blog). I don't know, I think I'll just go do that now, and then I'll feel better.
Blog ya later (hopefully), Miss Eccentric.
P.S. Hey, maybe you guys can give me a few ideas of what to blog about, and I'll pick one for another day! Right? Okay, so if you think of anything, just leave a comment and let me know!

Farts: we all do them 2

Okay, so I thought up a few more farts, so here they are: (As my aunt in the big damn bus of a home put so kindly) there's the P*ssy, or Crotch fart, which is when you're (well, only us women as far as I know) sitting, and you fart, and it creeps up to the front and gets stuck there so you have to wiggle in your seat to get it out; there are popcorn farts, the ones that burn on the way out (ever hear the expression, "hotter than a popcorn fart"? No? Well, now you have), and have a certain "unique" smell to them; and then there are the hot-dog farts, which not only can burn on the way out like a popcorn fart, but also have their very own "special" scent. The only way to tell the difference between a popcorn fart and a hot-dog fart, is the smell: the hint? Hot-dog farts always smell like hot-dogs, while popcorn farts do not.
Okay, so that's all I got, but if you think of one, let me know and I'll post about it (maybe).
Blog ya later, Miss Eccentric.
P.S. I almost forgot! My dad went browsing for other classifications of farts after he read my blog, and he found a really funny fart site, that sadly but truly dwarfs my small little blog, but whatever. I just thought it would be nice and mature of me to post a link of said fart site, so ya'll didn't think I hid it from you just because I knew it was better than my blog and I was jealous to think that you would think that my blog totally sucked because the fart site is totally much better than my wee-bitty little tiny blog about farts that is so not as cool as their giant fart site about farts that's better than my fart post of farts and besides I thought that maybe you would stay loyal to me and check it out and even if it is so totally better than my fart post of farts you'll still say that my fart post of farts is better than their not-so-sucky fart site of farts that's so much better than my fart site of farts, so here's the link: Link.
*deep breath*
Yeah, I know. That made total sense. Right? (F.Y.I, if you're wondering, I said fart/farts thirty-two times, including when I said fart/farts just now, twice. Well, okay, since I said it in the labels thingy whatsit, that would make it thirty-eight, which is significantly slightly more)
And wow, this is like, the longest P.S. I have ever done. It just keeps getting longer and longer and longer!!! And look, I'm making it even longer by saying that I keep making it longer and longer and longer!!! I had better stop, before I have to enter this P.S. message in the Guinness World Records, seeing as this is the longest P.S. ever!!! Okay, I'm going to stop. Really, I am. I'm gonna stop, I swear! What, you don't believe that I'll stop sooner or later? Because I will. In fact, I'm gonna stop right-
OMG, I can't stop. How come I can't stop? I guess I'll just have to go cold-turkey, and just stop typing in the middle of-