Welcome, to all of those insane enough to walk this blog!

As you might have noticed, this here blog is one big archive of the ramblings of an insane author. So insane, in fact, that I wouldn't be surprised if you went mad just reading said blog...Good luck ;)


I lied. This is not, in fact, a "directory" as the title above might suggest...This is merely a warning of what you might find on this blog. I believe I have already warned you of the insane ramblings archived in this blog, but I must say, if you are not prepared for the tomfooleries that can be found here, you might just want to close this tab, shut your computer down, and walk away slowly in order to keep your OWN sanity in check. Fair warning >;)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Translation from Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex

In the seventh installation of the Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer, the made-up fairy language is Gnommish (as it is in the previous installations as well), and it is written on the bottom of every page, holding a secret message in the alphabetical characters. And like I said in my last post, this code is quite easy to crack, as it is basically no more than a replacement of our own alphabet. The grammar and spelling of words are the same. Which is why it was not hard for me to memorize the series of characters used in the Gnommish alphabet, thus making it super-duper easy for me to translate the code in the books, more specifically this latest one. So, without further ado, here is the translation:

Note: In the Gnommish code, a dot is used as a space, and an arrow is used as a period. However, other than that there is no punctuation. Which is why I have added the punctuation in myself, as I see fit. And just so you know what the Gnommish alphabet looks like, here's a chart I got from The Artemis Fowl Files:

Also, when I use parentheses during the translation, it means that I'm adding a note myself, and it is not part of the actual translation.

"From the V-diary (video diary) of Artemis Fowl II, commentary by Dr. J. Argon, LEP (Lower Elements Police) consultant and grand probemeister (not exactly sure what that means, but that's how it's spelled in the book) of the psych brotherhood.
Artemis Fowl appears on screen. He is disheveled and toys incessantly with a small coin. Both the untidiness and the fidgeting are most unusual. Artemis Fowl is known for his attention to detail, especially where his own grooming and presentation are concerned. His voice too is cause for worry. Stress readings are in the nineties, and his lower ranges are skewed a full third of an octave below the norm, based on comparisons with interview-room recordings.
Artemis holds the coin between his thumb and forefinger, and we see that there is a circular hole in the center. The coin obviously holds great significance for the boy. He slams it onto the desk, then picks it up again and spins it - unable, it would seem, to let it be. Early signs of compulsion. Worrying...
He speaks.
Artemis: 'People called me a boy genius. A wunderkind. Perhaps I was a prodigy. But I will be fifteen soon, and too old for that label. So what am I then? A teenage criminal mastermind, perhaps. Or just a common thief. Who can a thief trust? There were a few I thought. But could I have been wrong? Is that possible?' Artemis taps the coin against the surface of the desk precisely twenty times before speaking again. Perhaps there is no significance to the number twenty. Artemis Fowl frowns and rubs the deep line between his brows.
Artemis: 'I thought I knew everything. Now I think I know too much. This new knowledge: These compulsions are taking me over. Soon they will drive my very speech patterns.' He taps the coin on the desk. Twenty taps again. He seems not to want to do it, but is compelled. Oh dear. It is just as Captain Short said. I am worried now, very worried...
Note: Check legality of using Insulin Shock Therapy or possibly Psychosurgery on humans."

(Note that every-other sentence, Artemis counts his words in fives. Such sentences include: "Perhaps I was a prodigy", "So what am I then?", "A teenage criminal mastermind, perhaps", "Or just a common thief", "Who can a thief trust?" and "I thought I knew everything". This observation may seem insignificant to most people, however, I know that Artemis' compulsive behavior includes counting things -including his sentences- in fives, and any number that can be derived from five, such as ten, fifteen, twenty, and so-on and so-forth, thus making this small observation completely relevant to Dr. J. Argon's analysis of Artemis, and of course anyone reading this.)

It ends there, on page 91, and continues to repeat itself four times starting over on pages 92, 181, and 270, finally ending on the last page (page 357) with a cut-off "psyc-" at the end, making it 19 characters (including spaces and periods) missing from the last message-repeat. And don't hold it against me for being that specific. I am a very thorough person, and determined as well. So I didn't want to leave anything out, not even the amount of times it repeated and on what pages the repeats started on. So there. No judgment allowed, thank you.

Blog ya later, Miss Eccentric.
P.S. Haha, my sign-off has five words in it=D


  1. Thank you so much for your translation. I just started reading the latest book and got "a bee in my bonnet" over my need to know what the message said.

  2. Oh, hey no problem! I'm glad I could help a fellow fan of Artemis Fowl!!! Also, I thought I'd mention, if you'd like to read some fan-fiction on Artemis Fowl, please go to my other blog here:

  3. Well done. I am impressed. I tried to translate it myself but it became long and arduous. I didn't realize it repeats itself so I thought it was extremely long.


  4. Haha, yeah that's what I thought at first too, but I've been translating the books since the first one so I knew that they generally stopped after a while and just started repeating...So there was hope to it, at least, haha ;)

  5. Thank you kindly, Miss Eccentric, for taking the time. When I was thirteen, I too cracked the code (though the squiggly line under a letter for "E" threw me at the start). I was compelled to write out the alphabet and translate every character, even as it repeated itself without variation, and I am truly delighted to see someone shared my passion.
    I just finished The Last Guardian and I wantedto take a moment to thank you for posting this. While I could dust off my Gnommish, I am grateful instead for persons such as yourself who share their nerd passions with the interwebs.

    With warmest gratitude,

    PS: Did you crack the Eternity Code?