Alright, so my last post was a bit on the crazy-stalker-fan side of things, but I was super excited and I have every right to be, because the book really was that cool.
Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (the seventh in the series) arrived on the fourth, and I finished reading it yesterday. Which is a good omen (you would know what I'm talking about if you read it). Eoin Colfer really did knock himself out writing this one, and I simply did not want to put it down until I finished it. But I forced myself to slow down, pace myself, that way I didn't finish it in like, two days instead of five. 'Cause then I'd be disappointed that it was over already. But five days was as slow as I could go. And like I said, if you were to read the book, you would know that finishing it in five days was a perfect tribute to the story. Anyway, I immensely enjoyed this book, and I might even go as far as to say that it was the funniest in the series yet. You see, one of the main plot lines in the story is that Artemis has contracted a mental illness the fairies call Atlantis Complex, which usually only guilt-ridden fairies contract. But since Artemis has meddled in fairy magic so much, and he lived a life of crime for many of his younger years, he was vulnerable to the illness. This Complex is described to be sort of like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), with a little paranoia mixed in. And in extreme cases, the patient may develop Multiple Personality Disorder.
In Master Fowl's case, he gets all the symptoms. At first it's just an obsession with straightening things, and counting (it's always fives, because five is a nice round number whereas four is the bad number because it means death. Literally for the Chinese community, since four sounds a lot like there word for death), and of course the paranoia, but then when he is electrocuted (I won't give away exactly how), his alter-ego, Orion, emerges. And Orion is nothing like Artemis. He may have all of his memories, but he is a completely different person: He is dumbed-down, innocent, fanciful, and loves to profess his love for a certain feisty LEPrecon Captain by the name of Holly Short. He drives his former friend Holly and Foaly crazy themselves with his delirious rants, and the fact that he calls them, "my fair maiden" and "goodly beast".
Now, while Artemis and friends are battling inner demons and a rogue space probe of Foaly's own design, a former enemy of Holly's, and her deceased Commander's (Julius Root) is planning a break from prison and a ghastly plan to kidnap yet another friend of young Master Fowl's to use for his own gain. From start to end, Artemis and friends must endure things like giant squids trying to crack Arty like a nut (and him exclaiming loudly, "I'm the nut! I'm the nut!"), explosive gas bubbles from a certain dwarf who now calls himself Tombstone, zombie wrestling fans who are under a bad fairy's mesmer, a dark-magic Rune called a Thrall, random spouts of number poetry from Artemis Fowl himself, and of course psychotic ramblings of an alter-ego named Orion. Really, this book truly made me laugh out loud the whole time, even to the very last page. And Mr. Colfer left the end on a great cliffhanger, so I am hoping and praying that this is not the end of the story for Artemis Fowl II. Honestly, he left it more open than a dwarf's cavernous mouth readying himself to tunnel. And in the end of this small evaluation of the story, I really only have five words left to say about the book: Bloody hilarious and ridiculously awesome.
On a related note, all previous Artemis Fowl books have a Gnommish code encrypted at the bottom of every page, and of course the new book has it too. The code is quite a simple one (it's just a series of symbols used to replace our own alphabet, nothing special), easy to learn and understand, and I happen to be fluent in both reading and writing it. Thus, I shall be translating the message in the book at my leisure, and will be posting it here when I'm done. I might take my time with it, as I have some writing to catch up on, but who knows, I also might just finish it in one day and be posting it tomorrow. Who knows. It depends on if I feel like straining my eyes to see it and writing it down at the same time. And yeah, I know this makes me sound like a total super-nerd, but at his point in life, I don't really care. I love the Artemis Fowl series, and if that makes me a nerd, fine. Bring on the pocket protectors.
ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE! COUNT TO FIVE, STAY ALIVE!!!
P.S. I was totally kidding about the pocket protectors. I'm not that much of a nerd.
I lied. This is not, in fact, a "directory" as the title above might suggest...This is merely a warning of what you might find on this blog. I believe I have already warned you of the insane ramblings archived in this blog, but I must say, if you are not prepared for the tomfooleries that can be found here, you might just want to close this tab, shut your computer down, and walk away slowly in order to keep your OWN sanity in check. Fair warning >;)